Selecting Your Wedding Guest List

When deciding on a wedding guest list, you should have a good idea of the type of ceremony and reception that you would like to have.

And you would have discussed a number of related issues with whoever is to pay for your wedding, (it could be the brides parents, or both sets of parents, or even yourselves).

Possibly the most important issues to discuss would be the size and composition of the wedding guest list; as the number of guests you invite greatly affects the cost of the wedding, the location of the ceremony and the reception.

It is very important in the initial steps of planning your wedding to decide who you would like to include on your wedding guest list.

If you have decided on a fairly large wedding, draw up a list of everybody you would like to ask and then check to see if your budget allows for the number of guest on your list.

Ideally the number of guest should be approximately the same from both sides of the families. If the bride's parents are paying for the entire reception (rather than the couple) an imbalance on the number of guests from the bride’s side is best ignored.

However, if the groom and his parents wish to invite more guests that those on the brides side, they should tactfully and firmly offer to contribute to the cost of the reception. The groom and his parents may offer to pay for the entertainment or for the drinks.

Another approach to making a wedding guest list when the wedding is a small one, the hosts who is paying for the reception sets a limit to the number of people to be catered for, and the wedding guest list is then built up.

The more that you finance the wedding yourselves (rather than getting help from your family), the more you will be in control of your wedding guest list.

Another way to make your wedding guest list is by category, such as the one below until the desired number is reached:

• A list Guests (Yes these are definitely invited, such as parents, close friends, grandparents etc).

• B List Guest (Maybe possible guests, such as old friends that you may now only see once or twice a year, some co-workers that you enjoy working with etc)

• C List Guests (Definitely not, such as all other co-workers, distant relatives etc)

The above are only suggestions, and may not fit your situation just use it to give you an idea on how to make your guest list.

Don't make the guest list larger than you can afford, in the hope that some of the guests will not be able to attend. You need to know where to draw the line when making the guest list. And in the case of some of the A list guests not being able to attend, you could always extend an invitation to some of your B list guests or even the C list guests.

If you wish you can invite the marriage officiant (and his wife) to the reception. However, it is not necessary and they usually don't accept, especially if they have other ceremonies to perform that day.

Who Gets an Invitation?

Wedding invitations should be sent outto your bridal attendants, and your officiant (and if He/she is married include their spouse on the invitation) and your intended guests.

To work out how may invitations to order, allow one invitation per couple, plus one for each single guest and another for his/her date ( don't feel obliged to invite the date, unless of course you feel that it would be appropriate). 

Important Point

When trying to save money, having a small ceremony with a large reception won't help, because the reception is the most expensive part of getting married. In fact the reception more than likely will cost more than your honeymoon.

Cost Cutting Tips

The easiest way to cut down on the wedding guest list is to remove everyone you haven't spoken to for a year or more. If the list is still too large, remove the names of anyone you haven’t spoken to in the last six months.

If the list is still to large after doing the above consider taking out any problem guests, eg anyone who may be the cause of any anti social behavior.

Bright Idea

If you feel guilty at not having invited various relatives to your wedding because you are cutting costs, why not organize a family reunion. By doing this you will keep your wedding small while still being able to bring your relatives together.

Advising friends and family who you know can't come to the wedding.

Whether your wedding guest list is large or small, it is not correct to invite mere acquaintances who cannot reasonably be expected to come.

Most people would regard this as an attempt to get presents without seriously intending to invite the giver.

In circumstances such as this it would be better to let the news of your wedding spread through the grapevine, or send them a postcard from your honeymoon, saying that you hope to catch up with them when you return.

If you know a friend or relative who cannot come, send them a warm letter to deter any hurt feelings that may occur. They can then decide for themselves if they would like to send you a gift. For example:

Dear Aunt Karen, Anthony Robbins and I have decided to get married on the 6 November and the ceremony will be held in Perth. Of course, we would both love to be able to share the occasion with you, but we realize that (it’s a very awkward time of the year for you to travel so far…. You both have your hands full with the new business… Uncle Steven needs a lot of care and attention at the moment…) we know your thoughts will be with us on the day and I’ll make sure you receive a photo of the happy couple and of course a piece of the cake! Love from Leonie Lawson

or

Dear Hank Leonie and I are getting married here in Perth on 6 November. We’d love you to be there of course, but I know it’s almost impossible for you to organize time off. But I just thought that I would let you know, in case some miracle occurs and you happen to be free around that time. Hope to catch up with you soon. Best wishes Anthony Robbins

Wedding Announcements

If you have a large group of people to notify and do not wish to invite them to the wedding, send out wedding announcements.

These are not invitations, and they do not imply that anyone has to send a gift. These are not sent out to anyone who will be receiving an invitation to the ceremony of the reception.

The wedding announcements are traditionally sent by the bride's parents. Example

Mr and Mrs Kevin Thompson Have the honor of announcing The marriage of their daughter Jenny Anne To Mitchell John Smith On Saturday 5 October 2000 Perth, Western Australia

Note that no time or place is mentioned. The announcement simply informs people that the marriage is to take place.

It is considered rude if the person receiving the announcement was to phone the bride and request further details.