Plan Your Future

Making a plan for your future life together is important. The future is something that the two of you will have to discuss before you get married. You will need to build goals and have shared values to guide you in your married life together. So before getting caught up in the wedding plans take time to discuss your future.

When you discuss your future, go at your own pace. You may find that you and your partner may be comfortable discussing one or several points at a time. You may even prefer answering the questions by yourself, and then later bring them up in conversation with your partner. Whatever way you plan to approach the subjects on your future, make sure that you are alone, relaxed and have an open mind.

When discussing a plan for your future, you and your partner may not always agree with each other in your answers. Finding out these differences doesn’t mean that you give up on your relationship, it just gives you the opportunity to improve your communication skills with your partner. You may become frustrated, angry and confused with your partner, but you most likely get that way with your family, friends, and your boss as well, but you do manage to avoid conflict, by controlling your emotions.

• Do acknowledge your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t agree.
• Do address comments without being accusing.
• Do listen to your partners concerns and offer help.
• Do have an approach to find a solution to the situation.
• Do take time out, if the conversation is becoming ”heated.”
• Don’t make cruel statements in an attempt to get back at your partner
• Don’t try to discuss all your answers in one day.
• Don’t be defensive: “What do you mean I am a slob?”
• Don’t use guilt to get your way.
• Don’t criticize the person, criticize the action.
• Don’t dismiss your partner’s feelings.
• Don’t give the silent treatment.
• Don’t give an “it’s my way or no way” attitude.
• Don’t do the turn-around game: that is, don’t turn the
argument back at your partner. “I’m not rude. You are the one that is.”

Here are some topics that you may like to discuss and hopefully these will bring up more questions for discussion.

• Where should we live after we are married?
• How much money do we want to live off?
• Will we live near our families?
• If our religions are different, will one of us convert or will we respect each others beliefs?
• Do we want any children?
• How many children do we want?
• When do we want children?
• If our religions are different, which religion will the children be brought up in?
• Do both of us work or will one stay home to look after the children?
• Will we use day care for the children?